Sunday, December 5, 2010
Get Commitment from Both Parties
First, you must decide whether or not your relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must first agree to try together. If one person wants it but the other doesn't, it will extremely difficult if not impossible to stay together.
Many people decide to stay in a relationship because it is convenient, no one having to take the big step of breaking the other one's heart. Those who are already married stay together for their children's sake. Unfortunately this isn't enough. If you want your relationship to survive then it it needs to start with a commitment by both parties.
Pinpoint the Problem(s)
The next thing you have to do is to pinpoint the problem or more likely, problems, in your relationship. One of the biggest problems when trying to figure out how to save a relationship is that most couples believe that the symptoms of the problems are the actual problems themselves.
One example would be an affair. On the surface it looks like the affair is the reason for the break up. But if you think about it, there is something going on that is much deeper. What caused the affair to occur? For instance, a lack of true intimacy or a feeling of a stagnant relationship can lead to a straying spouse.
By dealing with the lack of intimacy or bringing more excitement back into the relationship by taking your partner out onto a surprise date can help keep another affair from occurring. When you work on the core issues and not on the symptoms, then it is much easier to save the relationship.
Share Your Thoughts & Feelings
When the core problems are identified, you can begin to share your thoughts with each other. This means both verbalizing your feelings and listening to your partner's concerns. One way to send a signal to your partner that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling and conflicted are to hold their hand while you are talking.
When your partner starts to talk about things that hurt you, take it in stride. Remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. They are simply sharing how they feel. Always keep in mind that all of this is being done to improve the relationship.
Make a Plan and Set it in Motion
Once you have figured out the problems in your relationship, the next step is to create some sort of plan to solve them.
One plan that is already mapped out for you can be found here: The Magic of Making Up.
Then take the necessary steps to put that plan into action. If you have to work and don't have the time to spend with your partner like you used to, then try setting up a date night to go out on every week. For example, take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday or any other day you both may have off. If communicating with each other is the problem, then commit to spending at least 20 minutes before bed to just talk with each other. Then most importantly, do it.
Last But Not Least
Finally, I hope you realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process that never ends just because you two are feeling "comfortable." Many times you will feel that when you try to take two steps forward you find yourself instead only taking one step back. I know it is easier said than done, but try to be quick to apologize and slow to blame.
**Would you like to see more in depth tips that will help you fix your relationship with your partner? Then click here to learn more about the Magic of Making Up.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
1 - Be strong. No one needs the needy, and this saying applies very well when it comes to broken up relationships. You need to stop begging, clinging or exhibiting the behavior of someone who is feeling desperate. Let your ex think that you have moved on just fine without them by acting strong and moving on. When you've moved on, your ex will realize that they have not.
2 - Minimize communication. Closing the doors of communication may appear counterintuitive when your primary focus is to rekindle things, but it is one of the most important steps when getting back at your ex or getting your ex back. Take a break from your ex, close off communication, and let him or her stew for a little while without any contact. This will allow your ex to clear his or her mind and realize how valuable your relationship was.
3 - Be flexible. Do not be forceful with your ex, demanding that they move out, or pick their things up by a certain date. Be flexible, be a listener and a sympathizer. Your ex will be surprised when they see this side of you, and it may inspire them to build the lines of communication that were lacking when the breakup came into play.
4 - Get the heck out! This is no time for you to be alone. Call your friends and get out of the house. Develop a social network and enjoy some entertainment in your life. This may not mean you need to date, or even pay attention to the opposite sex, but you do need to be getting out and enjoying your time with your friends. Not only will this be therapeutic for you, but it will also help convince your ex that they lost a gem.
5 - Simply be yourself. There was a really good reason for why you and your ex had a relationship to begin with, so go back to being yourself and let your ex remember why they loved you in the first place. This renewed self perception of your own self will surely rub off on your ex as well.
These are five simple ways that you can get back at your ex (in a way) without ruining your chances of getting back with him or her. Remember, to get back at your ex so you can get back with your ex, you have to be strong, minimize communication, be flexible, get the heck out, and just simply be yourself. Follow these tips closely, and you'll do just fine.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Does my ex want me back?
This is probably the first question that runs through your mind when he or she begins to show a little interest in you again. By interest I mean trying to spend a little more time with you than before, or you notice that they're trying to flirt with you again. Not just because they answered a text or email back because you sent one first. If you see this, it's okay to let yourself feel some hope, but this is the time to watch what you do, and not just to jump the gun.
But to ease your mind, these are definitely very common signs that your ex is interested in you again. If you find that you still want them back, then this is the time, once again, to follow some strategy and not jump straight into things.
At the moment, the best way to play this out is to play hard to get (in moderation). This is probably even the reason why they are showing interest in you again. If you try to jump right back into things, you may end up pushing your ex away again.
Usually at the start up the break up (or end, depending how you look at it), whether you broke up with your ex, or he or she broke up with you, there will be a natural level of missing on both sides, or a longing to get back together. No matter what, your ex is probably going to miss you just because of how many different memories and experience you both shared together. Mixed in with those good memories, however, are other emotions that come into play like past regrets. If you find yourself wondering "does my ex want me back?" Then odds are that your ex may be thinking the same thing too.
Unfortunately there could be other reasons for your ex to be showing you interest again. Depending on the the guy or girl, they may just be playing a game. They can see that you still have feelings for them, and may be simply trying to get easy attention, without actually intending to take you back. I have even seen some of my own friends do this with someone they don't like anymore just because they happened to feel alone. So, unless your ex really seems genuinely interested in getting to spend time with you, they may just be passing the time because they have no other prospects at the moment.
Even worse, they may be doing this as a way to get revenge for something you may have done wrong in the past. This is why it is so important not to jump back into their life, and why you should focus on reading into the situation before you decide to act on it.
This is common, but when it happens, a lot people continue to ask "does my ex want me back?" The best thing you can do, whether they are playing with you or not, is just to continue playing it cool. Continue to play hard to get, in moderation of course. This is the best scenario because it will prevent you from getting hurt if your ex is not really that serious about getting back with you.
To find out if he or she is really playing you or not, watch to see how they react when you ask them to hang out. If they are just playing with you, then they will contact you when they are looking for attention and turn you down when you ask in return. But if they are serious, then they will ask for your attention and respond positively to your advances as well.
Of course, this isn't fool proof but it's definitely something you now know you can keep an eye out for. Another thing you can try to learn would be how to read body language. Watch to see if he or she leans towards you when you talk (shows interest), whether what you say makes them smile, and other things like that.
Once you realize that they are interested (if they are interested), then it's time to follow a strategy to keep them. One great strategy is spelled out in the Magic of Making up.
Or make up your own. I would definitely recommend a proven strategy like the Magic of Making up; the success of your relationship is up to you.
I hope you have found these guidelines to be useful and that you soon will no longer be asking yourself "does my ex want me back?" Now put these guidelines to use, and get out there!
**If you're a boy and you are trying to win your ex girlfriend back, click here to learn some more easy tips that you can follow.
***If you're a girl and you are trying to win your ex boyfriend back, then click here to learn some easy tips also.
Remember, anything is possible as long as you put your mind to it. You can do it!